The Wilderness.
By Jihya Harris
The wilderness is a
desolate, cold, and aching place.
My wilderness stretched
Beyond what eyes could see
and what the heart could carry.
I was small and hollow within it.
With all my fragile strength,
I could not outrun it,
or escape it.
Still,
A faint distant voice called to me.
Soft,
wrapped in fog,
threading its way through roots and branches,
Through moss, stone, and silence.
It was His voice.
Jesus’s.
He called me Beloved.
He called me Daughter.
He called me Mine.
But I did not know the sound.
Nor the names.
For others had named me
Hands that fractured my heart into pieces,
Names that stitched shame into my skin,
labels whispering
unworthy
unseen
unloved
This was my story
In the adult entertainment industry.
Where survival wore sequins
And silence became an armor of strength.
Even when I found Jesus
Even when I followed Him into a new life
The old names followed me.
Clung to me.
Haunted me.
It hurt the most
When I began to speak.
When I dared to share my story
With those who claimed to carry His name.
I believed they were safe.
I thought they would see me.
As He did.
But someone I trusted —
a man from my small group,
Who once confessed his struggle with lust
And the places he used to go
Invited me over to prepare for our mission trip.
I went in innocent.
He met me with something else.
That day did not unfold as I expected.
He saw my story not as sacred,
But as an invitation.
He took my vulnerability. And twisted it.
And sexually assaulted me.
The lies roared back, louder than ever.
You see?
He whispered.
You are still that name.
Still that stripper.
Still not worthy.
But even then
even there
Jesus’s voice did not stop.
It trembled in the wreckage,
But it did not fade.
It was with me in my brokenness.
In my wounds.
Mine, Jesus said.
And that word, that name
again,
began to wash me clean
rinsing off the lies,
the sorrow,
the silence,
And the shame.
Until only His name,
and His voice,
remained
Echoing in the wilderness once again.
This is a story from her new book. God Goes to Dark Places which is set to release May 23rd.
Today Jihya is a wife, mother, and ministry leader. She lives with her husband Toby and her two boys Wolfie and Bear in Portland Oregon. She is the founder of Salt & Light Ministries, A ministry that goes into strip clubs to love women exactly where they are. They put together care packages, host community nights, and support the women who are still in that industry. You can find out more about Jihya at @jihyaaa and @salt_lightministry.
God Goes To Dark Places set to release 5/23/25
Portrait by Chelsea Belozer
