This church girl needed saving too.
My name is Christina.
I'm a girl who has been in church my whole life, from sunny California, my parents were in leadership, including Spanish pastors, and I attended Bible college. You may think, 'What could I possibly have a testimony about, or why would I share my story?' I used to believe that too. Because I didn’t have a “radical” testimony where God delivered me from drugs, alcohol, or a “sinful” lifestyle, and that’s exactly where the devil kept my mouth shut for many years, if not decades.
I was suffering in silence, shame, guilt, and condemnation from the church. How dare I talk about a problem being a Christian and especially being a pastor's kid, where we had to keep things a secret or sweep them under the rug because of a “Lack of Faith”? I’m here to share the untold stories, the secret sins I had in my own life, bring shame to the devil, and the many lies I used to believe.
I want to acknowledge my parents because there is nothing they could have done differently to change the outcome of my life today. What they had to endure both privately and publicly is a part of my story, but not the end of our story.
His grace is sufficient, and I want to honor them through that.
In my early years, my parents became Spanish pastors, and this is when the pressure of people was placed on me. I always knew of God, and would pray to Him because I was taught at an early age that He was my Heavenly Father. I learned and sensed His love for me, but still struggled heavily with acceptance and people-pleasing. I would seek attention from people and became very sneaky behind my mother's back, given that she was very strict. We had had our fair share of moments that none of us are proud of,
but I’m still grateful for her prayers and faithfulness in my life.
My biological father and mother were both in ministry, working with youth, and got a divorce when I was 3 years old. My mother continued to remain in the faith and got remarried to my stepdad when I was 5 years old. My Father chose to step away from the faith for a while, but still had a relationship with me. During this time, I began longing to be loved by my father and wanted to be “good enough” because right after my mom got married.
We moved away.
I no longer saw or heard from my father for many years, and despite knowing the truth, I began to feel a sense of abandonment. Shortly after this, I was molested by multiple people. By the time I was seven, I had a neighbor, a family friend, and even my family members. I only told my mother about one incident because something in me knew this was wrong, and thank God, she believed me. She followed the proper protocols and completely removed that person from my life. However, because of that, I didn’t mention the others. I was scared.
During this same time, my biological father came back into my life after 5-6 years of being gone. I discovered that I had an older sister I never knew about, and reconnected with all my siblings by my senior year.
I felt betrayed, I didn’t know what to believe, and I was unsure of a lot of things in my life.
Going into my senior year of High School, I was set on getting an athletic scholarship. During one practice, I shattered my left ankle. Everything that I had “planned” went out the window. This created space for me to seek God in a way that I may not have before. That’s when I had an encounter with God that changed my life forever. I went to a “College Days” at a Bible College in the cornfields of Ohio, and for once, I didn’t feel alone.
I wasn’t just the “Church girl” or “A Jesus Freak”, I felt like I belonged, and God left a mark on my life. I wanted to grow closer to God and have a true relationship with Jesus – nothing less and nothing more. I decided to go to Bible College after I graduated. It was in these moments that the masks started to come off, and I got to discover God for myself. Not my parents, not the church, and not even my pastors, but for myself!
When I finally answered that “Call” to God in this new faith journey on my own, that was when the true testing and what I would call “trials” began. I got into my first relationship outside of just having a crush. I got into a “situationship” that I should have just let be a friendship.
I experienced my first heartbreak and heartache, knowing I shouldn’t have been in that relationship. This is where a toxic 5-year cycle began, the cheating, the lying, the abuse, all of it. Everything started to happen secretly and silently. I struggled severely, but in my heart, My Spirit knew I had to actively pursue the Lord. It was then, in those darkest moments, that I felt and sensed God’s Love like never before.
I would have never known the depths of God’s love for me.
God never left me.
It states in Psalm 139:7-12: “Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.”
I cried out to HIM. Despite my two failed suicide attempts, getting sexually assaulted, I was so broken inside, and I thought this was what I deserved; I believed the lie of the enemy that this was all my fault. That I Deserved this. During those moments of despair, the LORD kept me, sustained me, and made me NEW.
I have been set free from fear, shame, and suicidal ideation for over 10 years now. I can share my story, Unveiled & UNASHAMED.
I graduated from that Bible College in Ohio with two AA degrees in Missions & Advanced Leadership. I knew I wanted to help people since I was a little girl, but I didn’t know how or when. Then I went on my first mission trip to Haiti, and it was in this place that I knew I wanted to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Despite my circumstances and situations. I am now married to my husband, who loves me and supports me. We both serve at our local church in Columbus, Ohio, and have two beautiful children. I later received a BA Degree in Organizational Leadership as a stay-at-home mom in 2023 online. My heart is to leave this world empty – an empty vessel poured out for the Lord.
